ms. varner.

Ms. Varner died this week. She was 102 years old.

"I'm goin' around the second time," she used to say with a smile. Always cheerful, giving the sweetest smiles, even though she was confined to a bed and an oxygen machine.

It's my first loss since I've been going to this particular retirement home in our town. I figured it was coming, but I wasn't sure how it would feel.

The hard thing about serving in this kind of ministry is that, instead of seeing people get better, you watch them decline...and it's normal. Age and illness deteriorate these precious bodies right in front of your eyes. You see it, and you look past it. You try to make this day count--for them, and for you.

It's a unique pain, but honestly, it's beautiful. To get the chance to know some of these precious people, to learn their stories, their likes and dislikes, their senses of humor, their favorite songs...it truly is a blessing. The relationships you build are worth the potential loss.

I believe that's almost always the case.

It's worth it to pour yourself out. Because, at the end of the day, you made someone feel like they matter. And in turn, they made you a better person.

life as a jam session.

I acknowledge Pastor Phil Strange’s latest message as the inspiration for this blog post…

Phil got me thinking recently about the idea of “life as a jam session.” For you non-musical folks, a jam session is when a group of musicians come together and improvise music. They create on the spot as a team. It takes familiarity with your craft and also with your fellow players to be able to do this successfully, because it involves the art of listening and then responding with the skills you already have. This is also the way of improv theater, come to think of it…

The more familiar you are with the other players, the easier this kind of improvising becomes. In terms of the worship team I play with, we have spent so much time together on and off the stage that we know each other intimately. Sometimes it’s like we can read each other’s minds, and the effect of that unity on our group dynamic is nothing short of incredible.

God moves in that kind of unity…

The thing about jam sessions is, you have no idea what you’re going to create until you’re actually there, doing it. With improv theater, you’re creating a scene on-the-spot with no script. You’re purposely venturing into the unknown—with an audience. For a lot of people, including myself, the unknown causes some anxiety. But as you build trust and relationship with the ones you’re venturing into the unknown alongside, the fear becomes less. At least you’re facing it together, and at least you know who’s by your side.

Isn’t it that way with God? The more intimately we come to know Him and His character, the more assured we can feel as we walk into unchartered territory. We can face the future, having absolutely no idea what it contains, because we know the One Who is beckoning us forward.

Now, He is Who He is, regardless of how well we think we know Him. He is always good, and He will never change. But our growing understanding of His Truth builds our faith so that we can step into His future for us with some level of assurance. It changes our perception, and that makes all the difference.

I’m learning that it’s our perception of our future that either propels us forward in confidence, or keeps us crippled in fear of the unknown.

When we embrace the intimacy God offers us, life really becomes a jam session between us and Him. He brings all His goodness, power and wisdom to the table, and we bring our hearts, personalities, passions, and every other good thing He has created. And the flaws…we bring the flaws, too. And that’s also good, because it provides other areas for Him to complete us.

I want to know God so well that I'm comfortable living life as a jam session with Him. When I look through the Bible, I see the glorious results of living that way…and I want in! I am determined to become a good improviser, because He has made me competent to do so. He is enough, and so am I...how about you?

bowling.

This past weekend, Trav and I checked two things off our "dating bucket list": ice-skating and bowling. You would think that we would have accomplished these things when we first started dating, but they ended up being a part of our engagement period instead. I think it was better that way, at least regarding ice-skating. The fact that I was willing to stumble around on slippery ground and potentially look ridiculous for an hour and a half is indicative of true intimacy...

The bowling expedition was great fun, especially at the uninhabited Swamp Fox Lanes in Moncks Corner. The whole time I was thinking of Jim Gaffigan's bit on bowling...especially the dirtiness of the equipment.

There's something romantic about doing the simple things like bowling...what do you and your significant other like to do on dates?

thankful Christmas!

it's been a busy and wonderful 9 days of Christmas so far...much to be thankful for. Here's a recap of the highlights to add onto my Thankful list:

-Christmas Eve dinner with my mom, my dad and stepmom, and my future in-laws. (It was great. How many people can boast of that? True redemption.)

-Christmas morning with Mom

-Christmas Day dinner with 20 or so friends and family members--one big family, really.

-wearing lots of fun, dangly earrings

-dreaming of the future with Travis

-counting down the days 'til the wedding

-watching "Wives and Daughters" multiple times

-drinking tea at home

-drinking tea with future mom-in-law at This Whole House

-coffee, coffee, coffee

-a whole week of quiet mornings with Bingley

-taco night

-Scrabble

-"War Horse" and "We Bought a Zoo"

-"Megamind" and "How to Train Your Dragon"

-holiday scented candles, supremely discounted

-buying our first Christmas tree

-new kitchen toys to play with

-a cat stocking for Bingley

-watching Travis shoot his rifle

-cheering on Jeanne while she tests out new zombie video games

-date night

-changing out my closet and giving clothes away

-having a relaxed schedule for an entire week (thank you, Greg Surratt!)

-thinking about reading a book...but too busy relaxing to actually do it...so I'll blog instead. :)

Happy New Year to you!

thankful fifteen

#335 - 358

answered prayers

Glenn Miller's Christmas music

wrapping presents

buying stocking stuffers

wearing big hoop earrings

an unexpected note from my cousin in Thailand

our all-staff Christmas parties

oyster roasts!

laughing so hard I cry, especially in quiet places (sorry, Barnes & Noble)

ironic humor

buy-one-get-one-free

love notes

mint chocolate gum

finding home decor that both Travis and I like

pictures that remind me of the day we got engaged

being on the same page

the Food Network

new cookbooks, even if I rarely use the recipes within

the series Planet Earth, which showed me aspects of God's creation I didn't know existed

a torch-lit canoe ride through a black cypress swamp on a cold night

hearing a good storyteller make a familiar tale sound new again

receiving photo Christmas cards of families I love

camels

finding the joy in the mundane

thankful fourteen.

#309 - 334

a ten-hour trip that feels like two

being with Travis in lots of random places

two aunts and an uncle grinning from the kitchen window at the sight of my fiance (whom they hadn't met)

a Christmas parade

the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade

Broadway performances on tv

finding the random store open on Thanksgiving Day

the new-car smell

the Muppets

realizing you've grown up, and it's good

a fiance that is also a good nurse

mountains with trees

the Blue Ridge Parkway

wedding invitations

warm cinnamon-sugar almonds

figuring out a good band arrangement of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"

an uber-supportive mother and father (and extended family)

totally unexpected "happy engagement!" gifts

being reminded of Truth

the anticipation of learning a new skill

coffee cups that remind me of the people who gave them to me

cartoon Christmas specials that make me giggle

red bows

green and red, red and green

seeing the Body of Christ come together to support a hurting member. I know I've said that before, but I'm watching it happen again with the same group of people, different situation, this week...truly awesome.

sauteed chicken.

thankful thirteen!

It's been entirely too long since I've given thanks. You would think that a girl would be CONSTANTLY thankful after getting so much closer to the desire of her heart (I got engaged about two months ago!), but it turns out that thankfulness can get pushed aside rather quickly with all the details and rush of planning a wedding. Even in the good seasons, you must choose to stop and be thankful. And so, today, I pick up my list and embrace this moment, with ring on finger, leaves changing, and joy all around.

#288 - 308

bananas

holiday music stations on Pandora (I'm finally ready to listen)

tuxedo cat fur (yes, I am constantly thankful for my cat. He is a pure joy.)

Thanksgiving cards made by children

an upcoming road trip through the mountains

Bing Crosby's voice

autumn-colored leaves

orange quote-shaped post-it notes

mixed media art

hair bows

baking on my day off!

with my Kitchen Aid mixer!

my giant family gathering for Thanksgiving

the fact that it's almost time to watch Christmas movies ("Elf" is first on the list!)

the lyric, "you've got garlic in your soul" (name that song)

green, yellow and plum

the diamond ring on my finger (have I mentioned that yet?)

the fiance who gave me the ring...

the fact that I get to call him, "my fiance"

55 paper lanterns now residing in my apartment, waiting for my wedding day...

the Lord's constant care and attention. He is so good, and so mind-blowing!



Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. I'm thankful that you're reading my blog! :)

sing! sing!

This video beautifully demonstrates the importance of us all singing, regardless of our voices...kind of like what I was saying in this post.

Bifrost Arts from josh franer on Vimeo.

thankful twelve.

#265 - 287



a private live bluegrass concert from pastor papa next door
the cat thinking I'm his playmate
brother's birthday
an out-of-tune family song
a full mug
a successful meeting
good news from the vet
picture frames
a handmade blanket
a full plate
lunch plans
quote-shaped sticky notes
new tunes in the car cd player (yes, i still use cds)
purple
revelation
people who are gifted to cry with the hurting
comfort food
colored pencils
new recipes
amy's french press
letters from travis
defeating the what ifs
conversations that challenge, reveal, and unite

hello, it's the unexpected calling...

It all started in April.

I went to the local retirement home to visit the mother of one of our church members. She was in the critical care unit while her son was on another continent, and she was feeling sick and lonely. I took my guitar, thinking I would find her alone in her room and be able to play some songs for her. I found her in the sunroom, however, with several other residents. I sat off to the side, trying to be discreet and to just play some mellow music while they painted.

The activities director wasn't having the whole "discreet" thing. Instead, she started wheeling more and more residents out to the porch to listen to me play and sing. I soon realized that these people hadn't heard much music in a long time, and the impact it had on them was remarkable. The melodies soothed, the words ministered, and just me being there seemed to lift their spirits. More surprisingly, though, was that the simple songs I played were meeting a need that many of them had...the need to worship God.

I found out that day that there's an entire church of people waiting to be reached, and they're right down the road. We just have to go to them.

The more hymns I played, the more they sang along with me. (Note to self: memorize the Baptist hymnal.) One gentleman, in particular, seemed dramatically affected by the music. Mr. J fixated in wonder my fingers strumming the guitar, and when I began singing a song he knew, he kind of jolted awake and sang it with me. He knew all the words. The music stirred him, but more than that, the ability to sing and worship God from his wheelchair moved him.

When I began singing, "How Great Thou Art," he broke down in tears.

Since then, I've discovered that Mr. J has Alzheimer's. Every time I see him, he seems to be retreating more and more into the fog. Certain songs will still jolt him awake, but it takes longer now than it did. Still, the music and the interaction makes a difference. I know it does.

Well, one conversation led to another visit, then another, then more people got involved, and I discovered that reaching this demographic is a passion for a lot of people in the church. So it seems that it's time to get something officially started.

These precious people need to know that they are not forgotten. They need to know that they are loved, and that they still have a purpose. I've seen what simple songs can do to communicate these truths. Can you imagine what consistent connection and relationship might do as well?

So, that all being said, we're starting a ministry at Seacoast Summerville to keep ministering to these sweet people. If this is something that stirs you up, let me know. And if it's not your passion, do pray for us. I have no idea what all this will lead to, but I do believe it's a mission field for me right now...will keep you posted. :)

(Oh, and do pray for Mr. J. He is so precious, and I know his family is suffering as they watch him decline...)

turns out...#1

Turns out, if you instruct a group of vocalists to do the "siren" exercise together as a warm-up, the collective voices sound like a firetruck.


This is a very bad thing to discover when you're moments away from singing at a funeral for a fireman.


(Yes, I did that. And it wasn't just one fireman--it was the Charleston Nine. So if you ever think you've done the dumbest thing ever, I hope this makes you feel better.)

Happy Thursday. :)

random recipe #1: a pumpkin breakfast

As beloved autumn approaches, I thought some of you might enjoy a fun autumn-ish breakfast idea: pumpkin oat bran! Thanks to the delightful Jessi C for the idea! This kind of thing is great because you can pretty much substitute anything for anything. Here's my version if you want to try it out:

Ingredients:
1/3 cup oat bran
1/3 cup (and a splash more of) unsweetened almond milk
1/3 cup (or more) pumpkin puree (NOT pumpkin pie filling)
1 tsp kosher salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 tbsp shredded unsweetened coconut
one banana
one tbsp almond butter
organic honey (as much as you want)

In a small sauce pan, mix together oat bran, almond milk, pumpkin, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt and a little water. I find that oat bran heats very quickly and can stick to the bottom of the pot, so I recommend heating this mixture over medium heat, stirring frequently until hot. Mix in the coconut and honey (sweeten to taste). Layer mixture with sliced banana. Top with scoop of almond butter and a little more honey.

And, as with any good breakfast, enjoy with coffee. :) Let me know what you think!

thankful eleven.

#246-265

It's almost the end of the work week for me (I'm thankful for that!), and I wanted to finish strong with another list of blessings:

getting to catch up with my buddy Jason Groce (follow him on Twitter. you'll laugh!)

new Eisley tunes

the feeling of being productive

having someone catch your vision and decide to join you

making a hospital visit enjoyable (at least somewhat) for the patient

a random photo shoot in the office

thursday nights (they're like my fridays)

climbing out of confusion into clarity

watching a group, family, or team come together to support a hurting member

prayer support (where would we be without prayer support?)

new pumpkin recipes

breezes that hint at the approach of autumn

green palm trees against a blue sky

sushi

theater 99 and the people there

unsweeted iced honeybush vanilla tea

a high-schooler becoming a college kid

a clear, beautiful evening with nothing scheduled tomorrow

my extraordinary boyfriend. can't say enough about him.

random happy moments with goofy people

happy (almost) friday!

inspirations: akus.

This post is dedicated to one of my favorite music groups, Alison Krauss and Union Station (AKUS, as I will call them).

Here's the thing--I am not a huge bluegrass fan. I find a lot of the songs depressing and the themes redundant. However, bluegrass music often showcases some of the most incredible musical talent I have ever witnessed. And five of those unbelievably talented musicians make up AKUS.

If you're unfamiliar with AKUS, this isn't just a backup band for Alison Krauss. While she is one AMAZING vocalist, she's just one piece of the puzzle. The four guys are all very successful individually, and they are all experts in their particular instruments.

But somehow, these five distinct musical personalities come together to form one distinct sound. Each member plays a significant part in that sound, and without one of the other players, you would know something is missing.

It's the unity that inspires me. Always has, since I started ministry. And musical unity touches me in a deep way, especially when it comes to vocals. I went to their concert in Charleston recently, and toward the end, Alison and guitarist Dan Tyminski sang "Your Long Journey." From the first note, they were in perfect harmony together. Crystal clear, confident, exact...awesome. I got choked up instantly. Both Alison and Dan have such unique voices that it's hard to mistake them for anyone else, and yet they are able to take their distinctive tones and blend them into this perfect, unified sound. It really is incredible.

So how do you take several unique personalities and unify them into one cohesive sound? Isn't this the goal of teamwork? It's figuring out what each person is capable of, expecting the best from each other, and helping each one find his place in the big picture. It's committing to take the time necessary to build that kind of unity, chemistry, and support. It's opening our hearts to each other and finding out how we all fit together. And if AKUS is any proof, the effort is more than worth it.

(Just in case you think I'm exaggerating, here's an example of Dan, Alison and bassist Barry Bales singing, "Maybe." The kind of dissonance they achieve in their harmonies, while blending perfectly, could be an example to all singing groups...)

for His renown.

I know from experience.

When God says in His Word that He is mighty to save, I can honestly say, "I know."

My God has rescued me from despair. He has delivered me from harmful patterns of thought. He has saved (and is saving) me from a long struggle with panic and anxiety. He has delivered me from all my fears over, and over, and over again. So when you hear me sing, "our God is the God Who saves," this weekend, know that I am singing from personal experience of that truth.

It is not for my deliverance alone that He rescued me. It is for others, too. Our stories spread His renown, so that all men can know, and choose to experience, that our God saves.

Today, I add to His renown. He is mighty to save, He is worthy of all my praise, and He is good. Amen.

inspirations: robert irvine.

Inspiration comes from the most unexpected places sometimes. I have currently been inspired in my leadership journey by a show on the Food Network called "Restaurant: Impossible."

The premise of the show is a world-renown chef named Robert Irvine finds a restaurant that is about to go under and totally revamps it in two days with only $10,000. The whole 2-day/$10k thing is just to add drama to a one-hour show. But it's what this guy does in those two days with the people involved that inspires me so much. This guy knows how to empower people.

A major part of good leadership is the ability to look a problematic situation, figure out what's out of place, and put all the pieces where they need to be. Irvine takes a quick look at the failing restaurant's issues and makes changes--not just in the layout of the kitchen and dining room, but in the layout of the actual staff. He is able to identify people's strengths (or lack thereof) in a very short period of time and move them into the positions in which they, and the restaurant, will succeed.

Irvine does come in a bit like a caffeinated T-Rex at first and delivers some hard truths in a not-so-tactful way. In just about every episode, someone is crying from the way he's delivered the necessary information. But instead of telling them to get over it, he pulls them aside and listens. He sympathizes with how they're feeling, reaffirms them, and lets them know he's doing this for their benefit. He really is trying to save these families and their failing restaurants by giving them a fighting chance. Sometimes the process is painful, but the result is a real shot at success.

I don't condone the way he talks to people sometimes, certainly, but his ability to assess a situation and find "diamonds in the rough" is extraordinary. In one episode, he identified a woman who was actually gifted to be the head of the kitchen, but she had been working as one of the cooks for years. He affirmed her abilities and empowered her to do what she was gifted to do, and by the end of the episode, she was already blossoming in the role for which she was clearly best fit. It's the same in almost every episode, too. Irvine leaves the restaurant staff and owners feeling legitimately hopeful and optimistic about the future, when things had been so bleak two days before.

I love this show because I get to see principles of good leadership in action: assessment, delivering hard truths without fear, loving on people, and true empowerment.

Let's apply it this assessment thing. Are you in leadership? Are you frustrated because something is just not working, either with your role or with someone in your flow? Ask the Holy Spirit to help you identify the kinks. Be willing to delegate. Be willing to find that diamond in the rough. You may be the very person to empower someone else and help usher them into the role for which God has prepared them. This guy Irvine is doing it every week...imagine if we kept our eyes open the same way in our spheres of influence!

So, TV isn't ALL bad...

(And no, I'm not getting royalties from Food Network for promoting this show. I really do like the show this much. :) )

thankful ten.

#224 - 245

Sara Groves' music

learning new things on the guitar, like blues scales (yes, finally)

God reminding me to not roll my eyes at myself

being reminded that God is the only One in my future (the devil doesn't belong there, and neither do my thoughts.)

the rain!!!!!!!

Trav coming home in exactly 48 hours

discovering new musical artists (currently into Sam Sparro)

growing more acquainted with the secret place

a weekend retreat to a new city with a good friend

"The Holiday"--as much as I don't like Cameron Diaz or her character's story, I so enjoy the Kate Winslet part of the movie!

finishing two novels while Trav's been away

consistently getting up early

consistently working out

practicing being still and truly being rewarded for it

being successfully dairy-free for two weeks

fresh figs

serving homemade dinners and dessert to good friends

handwritten letters

massage chairs

finding a way to have a French-toast-like treat without dairy

God's provision. He always provides when I am in need, and there are not enough numbers to recount the times He has done this for me...

resting in His Word (sometimes peacefully, and sometimes in total exhaustion...)

joy and other thoughts.

I just had a couple of thoughts to share today. Some of these things I'm sure you've heard before, but I think we can all stand to be reminded from time to time. :)

-We all need people who will help us laugh when we feel like crying. I know several of us on the worship team have been saved from breaking down in tears during a worship service because we've been distracted in the nick of time by some adlibbed craziness backstage. Laughter can save us from plunging the depths.

-We also need people who will cry with us. I have a friend who literally cried with me when my beloved cat died. I can't tell you what that kind of compassion can do for one's heart in the midst of trial...shared tears are powerful stuff.

-True vulnerability is more effective than the false appearance of strength. I have found this to be true in leadership, teamwork, friendship, and even mass communication. It paves the way for others to listen, to open up themselves, and to receive.

-Look for joy today. Search for it, expect it, and rejoice when you have found it. God has it somewhere around here, just for you...

a day in the life.

Travis often poses some unique get-to-know-you questions that make me think before answering. Recently he asked me, "What are some things you look forward to every day?"

I love this kind of question, because it causes me to think of a list of positive things, and that always lifts my mood! So here are some of my answers...(I'd love to hear yours, too.)

Every day, I look forward to:
-drinking coffee
-greeting and feeding my happy cat
-"puttering," as my mom would say (tidying up the kitchen and doing little chores while the coffee is brewing)
-going outside by the pool to read and journal with God
-getting myself clean and fresh for the day (a.k.a. taking a shower and putting on perfume)
-interacting with my coworkers
-emailing with different friends on the team and outside of the team
-getting to know people through deeper conversation
-texting and talking with Travis
-looking at pictures of people I love and moments I cherish
-drinking ice cold water
-drinking coffee again
-communicating with my parents
-listening to music (the mix of the day depends on my mood)
-playing piano (if I remember)
-checking Facebook
-thinking of something blog-worthy
-hearing God speak throughout the day through various means
-making plans for the next day or weekend
-getting off work
-maybe exercising...maybe...
-reading my novel (currently working on Mansfield Park for the 2nd time)
-figuring out what to make for dinner
-being with Travis
-playing with Bingley
-getting into bed and falling asleep

A lot of these are somewhat routine, I know, but blessings nonetheless. What do you look forward to each day?

sing!

God loves your voice. He wants to hear what you have to say. And He wants to hear you sing. Yes, sing. And yes, I mean you.

I’ve had people tell me that they never sing because at some point in their lives, they were told they had terrible voices. Someone made a joke, and it took root into the very foundation of their self-perception. And so, they stand amid the congregation during worship, silent...as if they are doing their fellow church-goers a favor. But when we do that, we end up denying God of one of the things He loves the most—our audible worship.

In the end, I don’t think His enjoyment has anything to do with the strength, tone or pitch of our voices (or lack thereof). Rather, I think it has everything to do with the sound our hearts are making as we choose to vocally express our praise, love, and desire for God.

The vocalization matters! God says repeatedly to make our music loud and to sing. The tone deaf, the offended, and the embarrassed are not left out from these commands. Why? Because God delights in our songs. Victories over the enemy are obtained through singing praise. And we are set free more and more as we press into God through all avenues of worship.

He gave you a voice. You, specifically. He gave you a brain and a mouth and a way to express your praise through words that are wholly your own. Open your mouth and sing! He LOVES your voice. He wants YOUR praise. It is precious to Him! What you have to say, and to sing, matters to the God of the universe. Don’t keep such a gift held back from Him.

Your voice is beautiful, no matter how it sounds.